Acceptance

As I wait to withdraw my pension, I realize how much Chennai has changed over the past 71 years and 2 months. I have been in Chennai all my life and yes I have had my share of travel in the past but have always called Chennai my home. I see new machines at the teller counters and more electronics all over the bank. But few things have not changed. I realized that the minute I saw a dad bring his 12 year old son with him to the bank. They sat down next to me and the boy asked his father, "Daddy, am I really getting my own account where I can put all my money into?" and then they went to talk about how the boy will be able to save his earnings here in the future. In India, especially in the southern parts, people believe in saving for the future and as a practice introduce their children to the system of banking very early. I sat back in my chair and looked at my hands and the wrinkled skin. I sat there recollecting the incidents of the day when I brought my son along to the bank. He was very excited and happy that he will be able to handle his money all by himself from that day. I chose to keep the concepts of a minor account and guardian away from him that day. He was happy to sign all the application forms and as he pulled out his savings of five hundred and thirty two rupees, his face was full of pride and he looked so pleased and calm, the way everyone who has achieved something worthwhile did. I felt proud of him and as he strolled across the office trying to understand what was happening, I signed all those applications forms assuring the bank that I am the guardian till my son completes 18 years of age.

We spoke a lot about how banks worked and I explained everything to him repeatedly till he was satisfied that his money was safe. As we drove home, in the car that he chose, I saw him look longingly at the kids who were playing cricket. I worked in the Indian Air Force and recently we had moved to a new residential locality where he did not have many friends. (I chose to join the Air Force when the Indo-China war broke out. I wanted to do my bit to make sure my children had a better future in a safe and independent country).

That day as we drove back, we stopped in a sports shop and I got my son, Arun, his first cricket bat. He was the happiest boy on the face of the earth, holding his bank passbook in one hand and his cricket bat in the other. I used to play squash everyday in the evening but from that day onward, I stopped playing squash and played cricket with Arun, for there were not many children he could play with in our colony. After every game, which was always won by Arun, he used to run to me and hug me. We both loved being in each other's company.

"Token number 615" the bank announcement system called out. I opened my eyes and came back into reality. I slowly stood up and wiped a small tear from my eyes and walked up to the counter and collected my pension of twelve thousand rupees. I still like to rely on my own resources of income and do not intend to trouble my son for money even though he would love to get me anything I want.

I walked out of the bank and opened my umbrella. Chennai has always been hot and humid. But over the past few years, it’s been getting worse and I have been finding it tough to move around in the city. But my son and his family are here in Chennai. How can I leave them?

As I walked back, I went back to thinking of my son. As a baby, Arun used to cry every time my moustache touched his face as I kissed his cheek. I realized that it might be hurting him. I never sported a moustache after that. I recalled how I used to give him extra pocket money without his mother knowing it and how I agreed to the girl whom he loved and got them married.

After walking for almost ten minutes, I reached my home. I saw a few men outside the gate. They were fixing up a new board. Ah yes, the new board has been pending for long. The new board read 'Help age India Homes'. This has been my home since 2004, the year I retired from work. A few months after having been at home, I had a talk with my son and came to understand that it was getting tough for him to take care of me. My wife had passed away in 2000 and I chose to stay with my son after retirement. He told me about this home that day and told me how well I would be taken care of here. I understood his situation. He offered to sponsor my stay here but I refused and chose to live on my pension. I am proud of my son and I know he is trying to make me a proud father. I am humbled in front of God for having blessed me with a son who scales new peaks and often finds a space in the newspapers. I know he loves me. He said so he called me on April 14, for the Tamil New Year. I hope I am a grandfather by now. I will get to know if I am or not when he calls me for Deepavali this year. As I sit in my room in my home, I pray to God, to take care of my son his family and I hope he would know I love him as much as he loves me. I hope he understands that I want to be with him now just the way he wanted to be with me when he was young. I hope he understands that I love him the way he would love his own child. I hope, he will realize, he has been my world from the minute he was born and will be so till my last breath. It’s been 5 years since I met him and wish I could see him and his family once before that last breath.

From Me to You

In Bangalore, most of the office campuses are shared by many companies and we have a common food court, where employees of all companies in the campus dine. I saw her for the first time in the food court. She was beautiful the way South Indian girls are. Dressed in a red salwar, with a well plaited long hair and anklets adorning her feet, she looked amazing. But love at first sight? To me? Nah….. Who knows, may be she is just visiting the campus and does not even work here. I knocked the ideas out my mind and got back to my food and chat with my colleagues. But truthfully, I was still not able to get her out of my mind and the image of a few strands of hair across her beautiful face kept coming back to my head.

When I was almost convinced that she had gone and that she did not work in my campus, I saw her for the second time, once again in the food court. As I was ordering my meal, I heard a few girls talk in Tamil, my mother tongue and when I turned to see, I saw her yet again. In a saree, that day, she looked the most beautiful among women and most attractive amongst all of God's creations… I asked myself "Is she the one? What if she was married?? "

Being an engineer, quick thinking had always been easy. I dropped my bottle of coke as she was nearing me and she stopped, I bent down and found that the Metti (Toe ring worn by married Tamilians) was not on her feet. I thanked God for being so merciful and stood up and looked at her. "Sorry", I said and she replied with a smile and walked away. From that day onward, I made it a point to be near to her as often as possible in the food court. Those 30 minutes began to make my day, everyday. The more I observed her, the more I found her to be the kind of girl I had always dreamt of. For the next few months, I found me becoming hers… Falling in love afresh every time I saw her.

January 26, 2010 the campus was decorated elaborately for India's Republic Day and the management of the campus was holding a celebration for all the companies. I dressed in the Tamil traditional style, shirt and white dhoti, kept moving across the crowd with the hope of finding her. I walked all across the party hall but did not find her. Disappointed, I sat down with a few friends when someone tapped on my shoulder. I saw my friend and saw my girl with her. I was immediately up on my feet and could not stop looking at my girl. My friend introduced me to her and we shook hands. We both spoke for a bit and walked out of the hall. A little while later she said she had to meet her friends and went to the hall. I stood there with my mouth wide open and cursing myself for not having done the things I had planned to do. For the past one week, ever since the function was arranged, I had so carefully picked up my clothes and written down and memorized all the points I wanted to tell her. I promised myself that I would talk to her if I saw her and that is why I had looked for her all over the hall. And now, even though, she was there, right there, I was at a total loss of words and was letting her go. And I stood there under the single tree, as alone and lonely as the tree itself. I knew I would love her forever more and that she was a girl with whom I will fall in love everyday and that she would be the most precious possession of mine. But there I was watching her walk away. The Gods seemed to have been testing my love for her because at that moment, They came to my aid. It started raining and she was far away from the hall. The nearest shelter was under the tree, with me. She turned back and came to stand next to me under the tree. And then, I understood the purpose of the tree being there and the rain. In the next 30 minutes of rain that followed, we both had the best conversation (among the millions that we have had in the last few months), in silence through our eyes.

Fighting Everyday Battles

“What a tiring day!” is a statement that we say and hear too often these days. From students to professionals and senior citizens, all feel that they are having a hard time fighting everyday battles. And yes, everyone is trying to be at their best because no one ever does anything to lose. We want to succeed just like everyone else. But what is set as the target to succeed is different from person to person.

For a few, survival is the target. They are challenged physically, mentally or emotionally. Their everyday battles are fought in trying to survive. For few others it is surpassing their previous limits and doing better than yesterday. For the rest, it’s surpassing the rest of the world and being at the top. In our effort to be the best in what we are trying to be, we come across people working for different targets in their lives and we see they are different. To reassure ourselves that what we are doing now is what is required to be done, we look down upon the rest. We complain on how bad they are at work and at everything they do. But one fact we have chosen to ignore here is that the other person’s goals, motivations and thoughts need not be built on the same lines as ours. He/she is unique just the way we are. And when we do accept this fact, we are able to recognize the fact that ‘no one wants to fail’. They are working towards their defined success and we towards ours. And all of a sudden, with this understanding, everyday life is no longer spent fighting battles.

We begin to appreciate every effort, small or mighty. We recognize and appreciate others’ talents and goals. We are no longer running a rat race. We are just trying to redefine our limits and move on. As we move along our path, we are able to find happiness in the smallest of things and able to share happiness with the rest of the world. And thus, we move from ‘Fighting Everyday Battles’ to ‘Living Life Everyday’.

Decisive Decisions

Hello!

This is my first blog... In my case (am sure in most cases this applies), the topic and the understanding that I got from it, made me write this... unlike most instances where topics are chosen after we decide to blog....

Talking about decisions, this blog is about decisions and my understanding of the same...!

We have always spoken about making decisions.. But are we actually deciding in an instant or are we just saying it then?

Decisions are never instantaneous... They are the outcomes of all factors that have influenced us for a considerable period of time... A very simple example of buying car would be very simply be the result of thoughts like a desire to a get new car, a conscious observation of the condition of the present one and the need to replace it, aided by suggestions from friends and family....

The father is the first hero/role model for a boy... The child's ambitions initially are to become as tall and as powerful as his dad.... And we start getting influenced right from that instant and all our actions going forward in our lives will hold references to such influences and desires...

All decisions are results of various factors that have been a part of our lives.. be it people, experiences, personal desires.... the only action that we perform in an instant is speaking out a decision that we have already made over a considerable period of time....


So even my so called decision to blog was a result of a desire to write and was just enabled by a few thoughts on 'Decisions'..

Cheers!
Jay

P.S: Pls lemme know ur feedbacks