To each his own

Today I am preparing to attend interviews, yet again. This is the fourth company I will be attending and have asked my father to give me a lift to the venue campus. I expect to compete with almost 800 engineers who passed out in May 2010 along with me. I know I have to make it through to this company at least lest I lose respect amongst family and friends. I come from a middle class family in Chennai. I am the only son to my parents and I have been their meaning of life for the past 21 years.

My mom emerged from the puja room as I was about to leave and put a tilak with the sacred ash on my forehead. She said I will get this job for sure and that she was sure about it. I smiled to myself. She loved me more than anything in this world. I left my home with my dad. 

We have a Maruti 800, a car that is probably driven by most of the Indian households. I sat on the front with my dad. As we left home, I recalled the days when my dad had a Bajaj Chetak scooter. That used to be my family's only mode of transport and most often where we went, ate, shopped were all decided by me. Nothing was denied to me. My dad was more like my hero and I believe I was his. All three of us used to have fun like no one else could. 

Oh, talking of heroes, how can I forget the long list of people who had influenced me - Abdul Kalam, Mother Teresa, Rajnikanth, Srinath (no, not Sachin!), then there were those poets who made me dream and the scientists who made me aspire... My list of heroes were long and the list of things I wanted to be were equally long. We reached the venue. I said good bye to my dad and went into the test hall. 

The test contained questions for which I doubted even if the person who made the question paper knew the answers. But then, 5 seats ahead, a geeky guy, with well oiled hair and glasses, sat filling up answers at lightning speed. The test got over and the shortlist was released. I didn't make the cut. Tears welled up. I thought I will never be able to face the world and had no where to go. I sat there as the hall emptied. I did not want to leave. But the maintenance guys came in and told me to leave and I had no option but to follow the crowd. As I got out of the hall, at a distance I saw someone familiar - Dad! Oh no! What do I tell him? Why is he here? Does he know the results already? I am going to be in a big mess.

I neared him and not a second later, he hugged me. He whispered in my ears, "No matter what happens, I am proud of you my son. For having tried. For having tried when many would have given up. Stand up and face  the world with pride, you have a reason to be proud and I shall walk by your side to see you conquer the world. Now, let's go home."

As we got into the car again, I realised one point, I have always had and will have only one hero - my first hero, Dad. The rest are just inspirations to me not heroes. 

Namma Bengaluru...

All my previous posts have always been a fictional story built around a thought or a concept. But this post is going to be my first post of reality - the past and the present.

June 22nd 2008, I left Chennai to join my first job in Bangalore. Fresh out of college, I had my own internal battles being fought at that time. I was in Coimbatore all my life till we moved to Chennai in early June 2008. After helping my family settle down in Chennai, I moved to Bangalore to join my job. New place, new world of professionals and new people. I told myself that it was going to be tough.

I was lucky to meet great human beings and talented professionals in Bangalore both at work and outside. I learnt and grew with them. I came to call them my family and made great friends here. Friends who were there to help me during times of personal issues, people who always took me home when I was on the streets (I got kicked out of the place where I used to stay - Twice!! ), people who told me how important everyday learning was, people who taught me how to better my own records everyday, people who taught me to love, teach & give and most importantly, people who believed in me. While in Bangalore, I used to wait for chances to go to Coimbatore, my hometown. A city that was filled with memories, friends and family. In fact I loved travelling to Coimbatore more than travelling to Chennai.

I moved to Chennai on August 27, 2010. A month later, 16th October 2010, I was required to travel to Bangalore on official work. As came back to the city that taught me and gave me so much, in the 2 years I spent here, I felt a home-coming of sorts. Everything about the city seemed beautiful. And I got to meet at-least a few of those special friends who made my life (and pictures) look good for the past 2 years... the Forum, Krishna Kafe, Corner House Ice cream (DBC), dosas in a local mess in madiwala and stay with my old roommate just made 48 hours seem like 48 seconds. As I prepare to get back, I have realised, I will love Bangalore they way I love Coimbatore. Not because of the malls, not because of the food, not because of sweet chariots or cafe coffee days, but because of the memories associated with all these places and because of the loved ones who made those memories so special.

Namma Bengaluru, Beautiful Bengaluru! 

For you a thousand times over....

"Krishna..."

She made me a skip a heartbeat yet again. I have known Divya for a little over a year now and yet my heart skipped a beat every time she said my name. I met her during my final year at college. We had met at an intercollegiate cultural contest and ran into each other by chance. Then I started running into her on purpose and eventually she started too. A cheerful girl and full of life and energy, Divya was all that I was not. Sensible, composed, rational - she was the one who could fill all my voids and together we complemented each other well. She was as insanely in love with me as I was with her. 

Long walks in the evenings and coffees in CCD were how we spent most of our time together. It was during one such long walk, that she dared me to kiss her. I get along well with people and mingle with strangers easily. But to kiss a girl in the middle of a road in my neighbourhood was something. Given the fact that both of us are from orthodox brahmin families in Tamilnadu makes it more than something. All the eyes on earth seemed to be looking at me including those of the girl who meant everything to me. I just smiled and held her hand and kept walking. My heartbeats going faster than ever. I was just hoping she would not hear the loud thumps of my heart. She understood and walked with me. Which made me want to kiss her all the more. She understood me so well and how can I deny her anything she wanted? And so, I did it. Kissed her in the middle of the road. Threw all care and fear to the wind and kissed my Divya for the first time ever.

I don't know how long it lasted. But it seemed like a lifetime. It was totally worth it not only because I kissed her but because of the look she gave me after that. A look which simply said that she knew how much I loved her, that she trusted me and she knew I will never deny her anything. She held my hand tighter and we walked in silence.

Six months have passed since then. Lot of things happened including her engagement to someone else. From our fairytale love story to the realities of the present world, we both were pushed to corners where we either had to give up the 22 years of love given to us by our families or the 1 year of love that we both shared. We then decided to hurt ourselves rather than hurt our families and let them proceed with their plans.

"Krishna..." she called me again. Took me a minute to snap out of the memories of the past and get back to her call on my mobile. "Yes Divya, am here... Tell me"

"Nee kalyanathukku varuva thaane? Unna naan expect pannuven... " ("You would come for my wedding right? I would be expecting you")

"Of course yes Divya. I will be there. How can I not come to your wedding?  Don't worry. I will be there." 

And the call ended there. As I went back to memories of her, one thing was clear, I could never deny her anything she wanted. Over the past one year my objective has been to keep her happy. Over the next 24 hours, the objective will be redefined as - making sure she is happy with or without me. 

Paradise on Earth

A kingdom so high in the skies, that its highest buildings were always covered in the mists.  A city governed by the righteous and noble. A small boy plays in the streets as he watches a procession move towards the centre of the city. A hundred organized soldiers of the kingdom walked in a formation and in the centre were a group of men. The boy had never seen anything like them, shabbily dressed and thin, their eyes livid with fear. The boy, all of 7 years, had grown seeing people who had always been content and happy. Well dressed and well endowed with everything required. A group of women close to the boy spoke pointing at these men. One of them called these men as thieves who lived in the mountains and this group has been evading capture for some time now. Why someone would steal from his people, the boy wondered. The procession came to a halt and a bugle sounded far away announcing the arrival of their king, Ram.

Ram usually dealt with all issues of the country in the presence of his countrymen. He trusted his men and they trusted him in return. Ram came down to the city centre. He was dressed just like the rest of the population, the only differentiating factor being his crown, that symbolized he was king of the land. He looked at the 4 men in their rags and crest fallen faces. They were around 30 years of age. Ram looked at them and asked, "Did you have food?”. Ram instructed the guards to give them some food and a place to stay. The men were shocked and hung their head in shame for having tried to steal from such a noble group of people. The men fell at Ram’s feet and seeked pardon and vowed to stay righteous and grateful always. Little did the young boy realize then that this group of reformed young men would become his nation’s greatest army strategists. Thus, Ram built his kingdom, not on rules but, on love, mercy and loyalty.

Life Long Learning

Ramayana and Mahabharatha, two epic literary works from India. Two of the best institutions of learning in themselves. Both these, unfortunately though, have come to be regarded as solely Hinduism based.The battle fields of Ramayana and Mahabharatha have churned out few of the best lessons that today's generation can learn from. 

Every team/family has its own leader and their close associates. The associates believe in their leader and believe in the cause they stand for. They follow him and are sincere in their roles. This definitely does not mean that they are not as capable as their leader. There are people who are equally capable, if not more, who have chosen to follow their leader. After all, in Ramayan, when the famous Nagastra was fired and when Ram and Lakshman were both unconscious, it was their close associate Hanuman who enabled them to go on. He uprooted a small hill to make it happen. Hanuman believed in his leader, role model, lord and friend - Ram.  He stood for  the cause of his leader and followed him till the end and showed his capabilities as and when required.

The leaders of our teams and families sometimes let us stay at the helm and let us try our hand at making things happen and when we are in need of guidance, they are there to help us and lead us on. Just like Krishna was there for Arjun during the epic Mahabharatha battle at Kurukshetra. Similar instances have always been found everywhere. Our families and institutions have always been there to teach us and lead us. After a stage, they have let us lead and have played the role of our mentors. 

In the past 25 years, I  have been fortunate to have had the best of friends who stood by me, leaders who inspired me and mentors who believed in me and guided me. I would like to say Thank you for all those special people who have made a difference to my life. I am what I am today, because of you. Thank you! Looking forward to learning more from you all. 

Celebrate Humanity

Have you ever wondered how life seems to be in fast forward mode at times and in real slow motion at times? Well I am going through it now. The transition from the fast paced, high energy driven everyday life to the stage where moments that seem to drag on for infinity. It’s coming and I know it and I spend every waking moment dreading it.

I am a final year engineering student and the thing I have been dreading is my graduation day, the day which marks the end of my college life. I came into this college with a lot of dreams and hope. I have had the best and worst moments of my life in this campus. It feels like just yesterday that I got an admission into this college. My first year flew in trying to understand where each department was and getting to know my way around the campus. The second year was spent in trying to understand engineering, third year in trying to socialize and the final year in killing time. This was life in the fast forward mode... All these years just rushed past me.

My final year viva-voce and examinations got over last week and tomorrow is my graduation day. The past one week has been life in slow motion. The thought of leaving this college scares me. I know all good things do come to an end and I accept that. But the world outside these walls frighten me. There are a lot cunning people out there who just want to stamp on you to get above you. There are people who will be rash and ruthless. There is a lot of stress and frustration outside the campus walls. Not many truly humane people are there. There is more greed and lesser giving. The thought of becoming a part of this society scares me. I have to meet with strangers and learn my everyday lessons by living life and not by read literature or in labs.

The magnitude of the impending events caused me to lose all sense of hunger and happiness. I went to all my favorite spots in the campus. Recollected all the incidents that these spot witnessed in my past 4 years and wondered how many such batches would have memories of this campus. I walked to the students' common room and to the notice board to look at my favorite pictures. There they were, the pictures of all my friends and me during our various trips and when we got our awards. As I went through this board, I came to an article that was posted with pictures of flags with text on them. They were called Prayer Flags.

I got intrigued by the name and read the few lines below the pictures. It read,
“Prayer flags are used to promote peace, compassion, strength, and wisdom. The flags do not carry prayers to 'Gods,' a common misconception; rather, it is believed the prayers and mantras will be blown by the wind to spread the good will and compassion into all pervading space. Therefore, prayer flags are thought to bring benefit to all.”

I stood there thinking. There were people out there who really wanted others to do well and be happy too. They made sure that prayers and blessings were taken to all. May be, the society is not something I have to face. May be it is something I can be a part of. After all, when there are people praying and wishing good things for fellow human beings, they cannot be that bad. I walked out of my college campus into the big and compassionate world. A mild breeze blowing, made me smile, reminding me that someone somewhere was praying for us.

Blessed

I have been 21 years old for 36 hours now and people have not learnt to value my time yet. I have been waiting on the road just outside the hotel where I was going to treat my friends as a part of my extended birthday celebrations. My parents wanted to be in Tirupati for my 21st birthday even though I tried to reason with them only to be told that I was not going to get away with it. My birthday was spent seeking blessings by donating 5000 rupees at the temple. What were my parents thinking? Did they forget that I had got an offer from one of the biggest corporate houses in the country to join them in a few months from now? I was one of the first to get placed in the entire college and that is saying something as mine was one of the premier TIER I engineering institutions in the entire state. I deserved to be gifted a car rather than spending my time in visiting temples. Why can I not get all the money that is being offered to the Gods? If only my parents understood all of this. But I didn’t have a chance to reason on any of this. Thus, my 21st birthday was spent in seeking blessings.

Why are these fellows not here yet?? Don’t they know how to keep up time? Why would they make me wait like a gatekeeper outside the hotel? I was not comfortable going in alone too and hence was left with no other option but to wait. I remembered that I found a gift of 101 rupees from my grandparents in my room when I had returned back home this morning. They had told me over phone to spend it in any way I like (Yeah right. They give me a hundred rupees and expect me to spend lavishly?!) and they requested me to come and meet them as it had been quite some time. But it’s a complete drag at my grandparents place. Far away from the city and have to sit and talk to them and listen to their stories. Why would I do that when I could spend the day with my friends? I did not let my parents convince me this time. I made sure that this date would be spent in the way I wanted. I got 2000 rupees from my mother (after a lot of convincing) to treat my friends and went to the hotel.

These guys are late! The last five minutes that I had been waiting for them seems like an infinitely long period of time. A few more minutes passed and I looked on waiting for my friends. I saw an old lady, almost 70 years, of age walk down the road. I saw her move ever so slowly because of the fragility her body had and may be it hurt to move as she looked very weak. I wondered why she was walking alone in this time of the day alone. She walked past me and went to the spot where all the garbage was dumped. She stood there and looked at it briefly. She slowly started moving the garbage in the hope of getting some food. I stood there shell shocked. I could not believe that there were people who lived like this. I wanted to help this woman. I approached and spoke to her.

I was astonished by what I saw. Her face showed clear signs of resignation and need for support. Her eyes clouded by cataract and her body more weak and fragile because of her age and health. I was almost in tears. I wanted to get her some food. I felt my pocket and realized the 2000 sitting there. But that money was not mine nor was it willingly given to me. I took out the 100 rupees my grandparents had given me. I walked to a nearby shop and got some rice and water for the lady. I gave her the food and what was left of the 100 rupees. She held my hand and cried. I saw how she would have craved for kindness more than the food. She folded her hands in a 'Namaste' and said "Ayushman Bhava". That did it. Tears that welled up in my eyes flowed out as I understood what my parents had tried to get for me as a birthday present. I understood the meaning of a 'blessing'. Thanking her for the blessing I helped her to a shade under a tree where she could eat and rest. I turned and started walking to my grandparents' home which was 6km away. I walked having got 2 of the best birthday gifts ever - realization on how the 100 rupees was more precious than 2000 today and a blessing.

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I dedicate this post to all those people who have been trying to make a difference to the lives of such people who are in need. I also owe the entire thought to the photographer. Without this photo, this post would have been just words.